The first time I used a lighter was at a jewellery course. I had to use it to light a blowtorch to solder a ring closed, and I very nearly had to make someone else do it because I just couldn’t do it right. The first time I saw a switchblade – a proper one – was when some guy at my drama class transferred it from his pocket to his shoe before we started.

The first time I saw a fight was between Seraphim and Axel – and that wasn’t real, it was showing us something. The first time I saw more blood then flows from a papercut was when Seraphim broke someone’s nose once. The first time I smoked was when Axel offered me a cigarette, not registering that I didn’t smoke. I’ve never touched the drink; as dry as Seraphim.

So many things have changed. I keep both a lighter and a switch in my pockets – well, kept anyway. Smoked, too, on occasion. When a halo of smoke seemed like good cinematic touch – it suits the tribe name, doesn’t it?

Ah, Dancer. You ever used a switchblade or a lighter? He’s right for you, if you can just make him see it.

We do this thing, in New Pork, where everybody has a new name. Kinda like a super-hero codename, only different. You can’t choose your name, it chooses you or someone chooses it for you. For some people names have something to do with their character, sometimes they don’t have anything visible to do with their owner. Like Alexander – we called him Bob the Builder, because he was always building things. And Axel was Razor, because of the straight razors he carried. Daisuke was QWERTY after the English standard keyboard. Reason quickly became Impulse, because she did things on impulse, apparently without thinking. Seraphim was Lucifer partly because I said so and partly because it was the original name for a match.

Me, I was Serenity “Serene” Kamaru. Axel always called me Bossman, but to everyone else I was still Serenity or Serene. I didn’t need a code name, and in a way I’m glad. It seems so odd not to call someone by their name. Still, when I’m bored I try to come up with names for the people I used to know. My older brother, Isam, would be Bricks. Not because he’s a bricklayer, but because he was that stubborn. Dad would have to be Sparks, because he was an electrician and his eyes were always sparkling.

Damn, I’m going to cry soon. I don’t want to remember the people I lost, even though I know Isam isn’t dead. He’s in England, laying bricks and getting married. Well, he was getting married when the Plague hit. He might have kids by now. I’m might’ve been an aunt.

Serenity "Aunt" Kamaru. I like that. Remember me like that when I'm -- oh. Remember me like that when I'm dead, I was going to say. Bit futile, really.

We all burn.

Seraphim said that, once. He was sitting on the roof of Castle Smoke, lighter on and smoking in his lap. It’s a wonder he didn’t set that ridiculous coat of his alight. At the time, I thought he was just depressed and in one of his moods. I thought he was just stressing out.

Maybe he was just stressing out, but we do burn. We all burn with our own guilt, our own secrets and the things we want no one to know. I’m burning with guilt – I hurt people today. Lucifer and Red, Seraphim and Matthew. As you all know, Seraphim felt responsible for Anne White and turned himself in to the Vampires. They beat the shit out of him, and as if that wasn’t enough, they put the delusional fellow with Matthew – Red. My murderer.

They hate each other. I hate myself for what I didn’t know about Red, didn’t know he admired me. I suspected about Seraphim, but we were happy the way we were. But Red – could I have prevented this war, Anne and Seraphim’s pain, Matthew’s imprisonment – if I’d just opened my eyes a little?

We all burn.

Born: 2118 ESY.
Murdered: 2135 ESY

My name is Serenity Kamaru. I’m sixteen, American, and dead. This is not a crappy horror movie or deep novel. Hell no, this is my version of the events in New Pork – or New York, After Plague. It’s perhaps the most impartial telling of the tale, as nothing I say or do will influence the outcome of the miniature wars that are fought every day in the shadows of New York’s once fine buildings. I live on only in my own mind, and the memories of those I spend my last months with.

I traveled to New York with the rest of the Cigarettes, and I led them for almost a year. I’ve watched Seraphim bawl his eyes out and Reason stand dumb-founded. I’ve seen Axel throw a Seraphim-like tantrum and throw chairs at the walls of his room when he thinks no one’s around. I’ve seen Alexander hit himself with a hammer, I’ve seen Daisuke stumped. I’ve seen John talk, I’ve seen Rattlesnake behave like a civilized human.

I’ve seen myself dying.

Vampire work, of course, but what can you expect? We were never on good terms. Mina and I were considered opposites. I preached non-violence, she murdered indiscriminately. She wore black and red, I wore white and blue. We were probably more alike than anyone likes to think.

More than I like to admit.